I am such a heartless cow

Posted: April 29, 2005 in Uncategorized

We suspect there will be a Mother Visit (TM) today.

I am a heartless cow because;

I am her only child and I can’t stand to be around her.

I resent spending my holiday doing housework because of her.

I am annoyed that I will not be able to spend my weekend relaxing because I have to babysit her.

I am irritated because she never asks, just tells me she’s coming. Trying to explain it may be inconvenient is ignored; she turns up anyway.

Why do I feel this way? This is what is likely to happen (based on previous visits and her general bizarre beliefs and what she did to me as a child):

She will smoke in my house even though I have expressly forbidden it.

When I’m not about, she will go through all my things like a dose of salts, including bills etc.

If she finds something she doesn’t approve of, she will throw it away. This goes for medicines, books,clothes etc.

She will question EVERYTHING – ‘Why do you take this pill?’, ‘Why don’t you wear normal clothes?’ etc etc etc Zzzzz…..

She will do something undoubtedly damaging to the animals. I am waiting for her to see a hide bettle, spray the entire house with Raid, and I will come home to dead fish, rats and seriously ill cats.

She will complain about the food I do or don’t have in the house, that I’m not feeding Mr Criz properly, and I don’t eat properly. Most likely, she will wash my organic carrots, and then they’ll go mouldy.

She will have an absolute shitfit at the state of the place (well, we’ve just come back off holiday, and tidying isn’t a holiday pastime of mine), and scrub it top to bottom with bleach, telling me ‘he’ll leave you if you don’t keep it clean’, conveniently forgetting her own place is an absolute hovel – you have to get the limescale off the bog and sink with a hammer and chisel…..

She will bring ‘food’ and ‘medicine’ for me. This is likely to include cheap, factory farmed cruelty meat, which has sat in her bag on a hot train for a few hours (e. coli – yum!), and a hundredweight of suppositories.

She’s found God. And I can’t be arsed to hide/remove all my pagan/witchcraft books, cauldrons etc etc, so cue massive row.

I don’t see why I should pander to her, frankly. She ignored me when I was growing up, then went behind my back (Paid no attention to what subjects I took at school, but turned up to find out what my results were, and also to check whether I turned up every day etc – all kudos to my school for not mentioning it to me at the time, and for marking me as present when I was blatantly skiving!).

Now, she doesn’t like what I’ve turned into. Not that it’s anything bad, but it’s not her idea of ‘normal’, and she’s convinced I’m going to fuck it up. I know she just wants what’s best for me, but she’s paranoid. Let’s work it out, shall we?

I have my own flat, a reasonably good job, I live with my boyfriend and some animals, I have a fair few friends,a decent social life (when I can be arsed), and a shitload of debt (but I’m really NOT going to tell her about that)

Is that good enough? Is it hell!

I’m trying to be ‘better than I am’ by not living in a council house. Like anyone can get a council house anymore!
I’m obviously going to lose my job because I don’t dress ‘right’ (suits, nice skirts etc), in fact I should stop dressing like this because people will think I’m morbid and take me away. And I should have grown out of it anyway.
I should be married by now. If I’m not, it’s because I’m doing something wrong, and he doesn’t want to marry me, likely he’ll be off as soon as something better comes along. And why don’t I have children yet?
Rats are morbid.
All my ornaments etc are morbid, why don’t I have nice flowers in the house (because Mr Criz has hayfever, and the cats will try to eat them, that’s why)
My friends are probably bad influences, and I shouldn’t have friends with children, unless I have children myself, because ‘people will talk’

She thinks that as soon as anyone steps outside the socially accepted ‘norm’ (which is quite big, really), ‘they’ will be watching you, then they’ll come and lock you up. Sad, but very very true.


Sod this, I’m going to ring Mind, and go into town for stuff and stop worrying.


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