Milton Keynes is Traumatic

Posted: September 4, 2005 in Uncategorized

Yes, it is. Or at least the journey to and from is….

Took Susie with me, and all was fine until I realsised I had less petrol than I remembered. According to the tripometer, I had around 5 miles worth of petrol left, and 8 miles to go. Oops. And there are no petrol stations between Bedford and MK. Not the way I went, anyway. Spent most of the journey feeling faintly nauseous until we finally found a garage as we drove in to MK. I was so relieved, I even coughed up the 94.9p a litre they were charging.

MK was fun – we even found clothes we liked in ‘trendy’ shops, including a stunning black velvet jacket in Monsoon. We ate sarnies on the benches and got the piss taken out of us by chavs, we mooched around the shops, and had to leave a rather posh chocolate shop because some little monster was screeching constantly. Bought American jelly sweets, and managed not to be tempted by almond M&Ms and mint cream Oreos, due to extortionate prices. Went to Lush and was very restrained – I bought conditioner, deodorant, Aqua Mirabilis (hereafter known as Arsebiscuits) and the black toothgel. Because it’s goffick, innit? And because the shop assistants were unanimous in their dislike of the white one.

On the way back, I was driving along happily, well below the speed limit (a first for me, but a very good thing, as you will read shortly), when Susie said ‘oh my god’, then I saw smoke ahead. It dimly registered that the car was facing towards the hedge when Susie said ‘I think we should stop’ just as it registered that the car 50 yards ahead was actually spinning in the road, and I decided to slam on the brakes. As I was pulling onto the grass, I noticed the bumper was in the road, and a large object bounced off the grass and onto the carriageway. First thought was that the large bouncing object was a body.
By this point I was feeling somewhat queasy and shaky. Sus went off to check the man was alive, and I rang 999. By this a jeep had pulled onto the grass in front of me (it tried to swerve round me and then saw the mess, I expect)

The police turned up just as S came back and told me the driver was fine – got out of the car straight away and was walking around. Which was a relief, but I have no idea how anyone walked out of that car.

And the object that bounced onto the road? The engine.

And of course, had I actually been travelling at the limit, it’s possible my car would now have two engines. Nice.

Oh, and I found some fantastic material to go with the PVC for my dress, and I want to learn to knit. My eBay stuff came, so I can start making stuff again, as I have zips and buckles – hurrah!


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