More lovely angst

Posted: August 16, 2006 in Uncategorized

Does it ever end?

I am sitting here, utterly bored, waiting for my new phone. I would rather  be working, tbh – I have enough to do.

Maybe I should clean the bathroom, so I can cover the walls in more red dye later.  It needs it, it’s fucking foul, what with dye and soap everywhere. Who would have thought soap could be so messy?

Been an odd morning. Got up to find some little scrotes had pulled the wing mirror  off my car and left it hanging. Couldn’t find the gaffer  tape I usually have kicking around, so I had to pull it off completely. May actually get round to  putting it back on before I have to drive my boss around on Friday. In fact, I’d better tidy the car. It looks like a skip. Just for a change.

FInally found my fuses  and  thought I’d better see if that was what’s wrong with the telly. After  a bit of contortion I managed to trace the lead back to spaghetti junction under the unit, to find one of those nasty moulded plugs.  Easy to sort though – except the telly had  a  5 amp fuse in it. Don’t  know much about fuses, but the 13 amp fuse I bought seems to work OK, so I’ll leave it…..

Next job is  finances. Oh happy day.

Realised I had a multipack of tuna, so I’ll be living on tuna and pasta for a while.  Also have beans, so bean stew, and veggie mince, so chilli as well. And I bought a massive bag of onions yesterday. You really can’t go wrong with onions.

And todays rantage?

I’m actually really fed up now.  It’s like a popularity contest, and I will not bow to it. I will not suck up to people and try to fit in.
I will not be nicey nicey to prove I am a good person, that I am as ‘nice’ as you are, that I am worthy. If people like me, I want them to like me for myself, I don’t want to compromise, hell I WON’T compromise,  because that way leads to resentment. I can’t and won’t change myself, and I resent the fact I am being compared to others because they are different from me, I cannot be them or like them, and I don’t want to be.
I want to be free to be myself, and do as I please without undue criticism. So, I’m not the most sociable. I’m not as sociable or outgoing as X – so what? Have I ever? No.  So why should I change now? Is it because you have a yardstick to compare me against? Is it because I have been commented on? Am I too much like hard work, or a liability?

Now, off to cook something exciting, watch shitty telly, and then go to work.

Because yeh, my sexy new phine has arrived, and I’ll be playing with that too.


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