Thoughts….again

Posted: October 2, 2006 in Uncategorized

Now that was a bit of a weekend! Bit of everything there – bits were excellent, bits were awful, but none of it was boring……

So I’ve been thinking about some of the things that have been said to me. Some of the things I’ve been told about myself remind me of things that have been told to me in the past. And I’m starting to get a bit confused.

I have a lot of male friends. One of the things (so they tell me) that really pisses them off, is needy women. Women who are high maintenance, who constantly need their ego stroking, who need to be told 20 times a day how great they are, who need a boyfriend to validate their lives – people who actually need an ‘other half’ Emotional vampires, if you will. Women who actually ‘need’ someone.

So, we’ll examine the evidence, shall we?

‘You’re unapproachable’ – I’ve been told this by 3 different people in the last 48 hours. No, it’s just that I don’t have a naturally smiley face. And I’m suspicious of people’s motives. So what? I’ve been around long enough to know there are a lot of bastards out there. I like to make a decision based on observation. I must be relatively approachable – all the bus nutters and charity muggers find me irresistible…….

‘You’re too outspoken’ – No, I’m intelligent. And I usually have an opinion on most things. Just because I feel confident in my knowledge on a few things, and because I enjoy intelligent conversation doesn’t make me arrogant either. I spent my entire childhood painfully shy, afraid almost to anwer ‘yes’ when the teacher called out the register. It’s taken many years to overcome my fear of expressing an opinion, and a long time to realise it’s as valid as anyone elses. I have a lot of catching up to do…..

‘You’re emotionally cold’ – No I’m not. I rarely show emotion. There’s a difference. When I do show emotion, invariably it all goes horribly wrong. Emotions tend to get in the way, but I have them, just like anyone else. Anyone who truly knows me knows I have all the capability of being an emotional wreck, I just can’t be bothered with it. What I don’t want to be, is a drama queen.

‘You’re too independent’ – stop laughing at the back…. No, really. I find this the funniest. I have a lot of male friends, and I find them pretty easy to get on with and understand, in the main. When it comes to emotional attachments though, I admit I get a bit confused. Mates tell me they’d love a woman who knows what she wants, has a career, looks after herself etc etc. What they seem to get (and go for, usually), is someone who is constantly paranoid about their weight/hair/skin, who needs reassurance that they’re lovely, that they’re not upsetting anyone, that they’re fantastic people and that they are ‘worthy’.
Seems to me (and you can all correct me if I’m wrong) that men want to ‘look after’ someone, to ‘protect’ them, because it makes them feel all manly. As long as it doesn’t affect thier nights out at the pub (Ooh what a terrible stereotype!)
Unfortunately for me, I have my own flat, own car, a job or two, plenty of friends, and have managed not to starve or have a major catastrophe in the 16 years since I left home. How dare I?

Don’t get me wrong here – I’m not complaining because I don’t have a bloke, far from it. I’m just annoyed at the double standards. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing. If ya don’t appreciate that, it’s tough. I’m just sick of wishy washy whiny men who are just too weak to appreciate someone who can stand on their own two feet. This is turning into a rant now. Surprise.

‘You’re a child hating bitch’ – yeah ok….fair point.

And back to the emotional thing. I don’t show emotions, but I have them. Don’t treat me like a fucking robot. Just because I don’t have histrionics at every little fucking thing doesn’t mean I don’t get upset, or hurt or have moments (or in fact weeks) of astonishingly low self-esteem. Appearing to the world as aomeone who can take whatever life throws at them doesn’t mean you can abuse that, because when we crack, it makes one hell of a mess…….

In other news, I have got Vodafone to cancel this months bill, add a £25 credit to next months, to cover the mess they made with the random internet downloads and duff info, and will also be replacing my handset completely free of charge….result!! (I think)

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