Archive for the ‘Fuckwittery’ Category

As I said before, we’re in the process of moving house…will probably be a few weeks yet but half the packing is done. First to be packed was the sewing stuff, then the books, then the clothes. Ah yes, the clothes. So many things blogged about, so many things put into the donate pile (or even chucked)…

It’s been commented on one of the blogs listed below that a number of bloggers make things then they never get seen again – some are wheeled out for Me Made May, but a lot of bloggers have a lot of output but seem to wear very little of what they make…I often wonder what happens to the clothes….

So of the things I’ve blogged about (that I remember), what made the cut to go to the new house?

Firstly, the black self drafted trousers get to stay.

The Miette skirt blogged about here, and the Christmas version. Because I find them useful, and they fit well.

The dress here was binned as it was just too tight across the chest but I made a version in a yellow bee print with an FBA and it made the cut

This dress because it is so damn comfy

The Hawaiian dress because I don’t care if it’s wonky, I love it

The ‘Horror of Satin II’ because it’s so obnoxious it deserves more outings

Also (because I cba to link anymore), the goth Meringue, the black Taffy, the ladybird corset and the space dress…also a strawberry print dress based on the space dress pattern I didn’t get around to blogging. I think the purple leopardprint dress made it too, as did the red New Years Eve dress I probably didn’t blog about. Damn, I’m rubbish at this blogging lark!

Anyway, that leaves a lot of stuff that didn’t fit properly, or well enough for me to persevere with…

Next year I will aim for far less wadders. I’m looking at at least 50% which is rubbish. I’ve been sewing for ages, I should get it by now.


Let’s rewind a bit. Last couple of things I’ve made, have been a bit of a disaster. Last one less so but still. In a fit of annoyance, I looked at clothes online. And saw some I liked. Have decided I do better making stuff *I* like, that’s a bit goth and so I wanted some goth friendly fabric. i.e. black, possibly lace, possibly a bit weird.

So today, I go to see the pervy fabric man at Milton Keynes market. Oh boy I wish it was payday….TOO MUCH PRETTY.

I bought sequins. Turquoise sequins. I was going to make a short tight dress. Then I got it home and realised it’s actually 60″ wide (I got 2 yards), so I reckon a full length mermaid dress because….well, look at it!


I mean, LOOK. AT. IT. How fucking awesome is that shit? For £4/yard too. Win.


I also found some odd snakeskin printy stuff. £2.50/yard. Yes please. Now, to make trousers or a skirt? Either way, pressing it is not likely to be an option 😀


And lace. He refused to cut it because he only had 5 metres left. Mine for a tenner. And it’s stretchy. I can make me some proper goffick massive flappy sleeves with this, oh yes I can……….


Meanwhile, my hair is bright orange. Bob thinks it should be purple. I’m pretty sure orange and purple make sludge brown, but we shall see……(if it goes tits I have some temp black…)

Lilly was spayed this week. She was a little tired the day of the op, but she seemed happy to snooze. Here’s a cute pic…..



Oh, and I was sewing the other day, when I saw the first ladybird of the year climbing up my window (was indoors so has probably hibernated in my spare room) and it was a BLOODY HARLEQUIN!!! Disappointed.

I forget where I was with the ranting last week but I thought ‘sod it’ and went for Truffle Mk2 with some cheapo polka dot polycotton. Thing about polycotton – it BEHAVES!!!

This time – I cut standard pattern. Only alteration was half an inch at the hips on each back piece, and half an inch on the length to accommodate my squat butt. I also ignored the construction instructions and left the back seam till last. I got Bob to pin the back together and draw a line where it fit. Basically I took a small 1/2″ wedge out of the top of the centre back seam on either side. And I tried it on once the zip was done…fit pretty well, apart from a bit of baggy back. This was sorted by taking a small wedge out of the shoulders (I have sloping shoulders too)

And it was good. It fit, really quite well. Pleased with myself, I finished the neckline and hemmed the dress, adding a little lace trim. Came the evening, I showed it to Bob..WTF?

The arse rides up, there is still some bagging in the back, but if I pull my arms forward it’s tight so can’t take it in – AAARRGHHHH!!!!

I did wear it Friday night, I think it looked OK and was definitely wearable but just a little annoyed….will put a pic up at some point..

THis evening, I thought I’d redo the pinstripe fishtail skirt I cocked up last week. Cut the sides out, reinserted the zip, did all the gathering again, and it fit really well….(apart from a dodgy bit near the zip_…decided to press the seams, and side seams…and my iron melted the fabric!!! See mess below.



It didn’t do that last week, and the iron was on the same setting!! Double AAARRGHHHH!!!!

I did get some comedy patterns last week from the Oxfam shop for 29p each though. I was somewhat taken with this, for some reason 😀


In non sewing related stuff, I have some pictures of soil. I got to the allotment today, and planted some garlic, shallots and onions. In this darker bit of soil.


I also dug this bit of soil, into which I will put pea plants.


This is how it looked a fortnight ago, before I dug any soil


Will I never learn?

I found a quite nice downloadable pattern on the Cloth Magazine website….

Pretty, no? A little lacy for me but I was fascinated by the dart placement so bought some green gingham to make it less ‘girly’ Apart from my machine having shitfit with the darts (typically, as the stitching is in view for these), all seemed to go well. Then I tried it on..WAY too big above the bust, too tight on the bust and waist….will be alright if I lose a couple of inches from each. Gah. Is pretty too…

This weekend gone, I fancied making myself a nice simple item, something I could do in a day. Bob had also hinted he might like me in a polka dot dress so I thought a dress might be a nice thing to make. I had some spotty cotton, and plumped for the Colette Truffle dress. Despite the fact I apparently needed 3 yards for it, I managed to cut the pieces out of around 1.7 metres. Go me! Now, I measured the pattern pieces, adjusted the darts to allow for my humpy back and fat belly, added an inch to the waistline, all good. Checked the fit of the pattern before cutting out the fabric. Checked the fit of the fabric pieces after sewing darts (and staystitching, cos that’s one HUUUGE neckline right there!), measured before sewing together. By my calculations I had 3″ ease in the hips, 1.5″ in the bust and waist, making for a comfortable fit. It all went together lovely, the zip went in like a dream (yes, it really did!!!) and it looked beautiful. So I tried on the finished article.

Oh my days…it looked ace! Slightly baggy between waist and hips but that’s a common occurrence with me and not a major problem…then I turned to the side.


Despite my wider and longer back darts, there was still excess fabric from my waist to my shoulders. And the gape!! Quasimodo could have worn it!!! Not to forget the massive wodge of fabric sitting around my waist.Ugh.

Slightly dejected, I gave up and went to bed.

Next day, I sucked it up and did a swayback adjustment, taking a 2″ wedge out of the skirt, and also a 2″ dart out of each back piece at the neck, as well as graduating the other back darts as they were too pointy.

And I tried it on again. Looked lovely from the front…felt around the back, no fabric…oooh… 😀

Looked in the mirror. WTF??? The zip sticks out and makes my arse look HUGE (seems I should have tapered that seam a little more but then it would be too tight, and there’s still massive gapeage round the back. Bear in mind I have a BIG back.

To console myself, I thought I’d make something gothy. I nice pinstripe fishtail skirt. I made a new skirt block, checked all the measurements repeatedly (especially as they were in that weird French Metric thing :D) and made the skirt part.

WTF? I have panniers where my hips should be, my hips are NOT that rounded – and the waist is too big, and the fishtail looks shit. To say I was massively disappointed and pissed off would be an understatement.

Which is why, this afternon I went to the Fabric Sale, picked up 3 metres of stretch cotton black and white polka dot fabric, 2 metres of stiff polycotton red and black polka dot fabric, and bought four patterns from the local Oxfam shop for 29p each – including a romper suit pattern. Yes, romper suit.

I will never learn….

*pics will come in time, when I’ve stopped smarting about the whole thing and my mutant figure!!*

Been a bit ill over the weekend. Nowt serious, just an upset stomach, so yesterday, decided to attempt to do something simple to take my mind off it.

Bearing in mind I have very few tops, apart from t-shirts, thought I’d have a bash at the Portrait Blouse from Gertie’s book…

Looks simple enough – two pieces (I am NOT doing a neck facing, see previous posts) and I have a few ‘bits’ of fabric in my stash. Chose a drapeyish green that I found in a charity shop…was a metre and a half of 30″ wide so more than enough….

First, I looked at the sizing, picked an appropriate size, in this case, an 8, as I have a 38″ top bust measurement (39″ full) and 42″ hips (my waist is slightly larger but can be remedied). I also heeded previous reviews and cut it a little longer than the patter required…

Now, these measurements appear to correspond to a Big 4 size 16, which I normally cut. Couldn’t find actual garment measurement anywhere so measured the pattern pieces..all looked fine. I was also waaay too lazy to rethread the overlocker, so decided on French seams, just for my own amusement…

Soooo how did that work out for me?


See pics below on my lumpy chickenwire dummy. It’s pretty much my size so….

Firstly, it was a bit tight. Tight around the bust, very tight around the back, and also very tight on the hips, but OK on the waist (??? given my waist is a hefty 33″ does not compute)

The sleeves are also too tight..I have beefy arms.

And WTF is that baggy bit below the bust?


No, I didn’t get round to hemming it – it is now officially a toile….

And the back – HOW MUCH is that pulling on my back?

And yes, I have a sticky out arse…


Notes for next time…..

Make pattern pieces an inch bigger either side (or reduce the tucks), drop the armhole bottom by about an inch….

Otherwise, it’s quite nice. Grrrr hate it when that happens…..

No time to do another one today, but if I get chance, next effort will be overlocked….


This appears to be sideways. Hm. Anyhow, I mad this out of some mystery fabric I bought at Peterborough market. I initially made the long sleeved version, but it looked too frumpy, so I cut the sleeves down a bit. Had to topstitch the neckline due to weird lining not lying flat issues. I have neck issues 😀

The pic looks weird but it actually sits on my waist, instead of an inch above it – this may be down to me forgetting this when cutting out the pattern, but making the seam allowance a bit smaller so it sits right…


Oh, and I got the zip looking reasonably pretty


And from the outside – first time!


Couple of days ago, I also decided to make this…I hate restrictive clothes and thought that as I have a wide back and big boobs, this would be perfect.


More mystery fabric from the market here, slight stretch and lots of drape, but mainly much cheapness if it goes tits up….


Here’s the (sideways) line drawing.


Now, imagine the top of the sleeve near the shoulder…and having to cut at an angle of 45 degrees to make the armhole wider – yep. Make clothes for ‘fuller figured’ women, and forget they also have fuller arms – my arms were dragging the whole thing down which was very uncomfortable! Chopped a lump out and it fits much better. I like the shaping at the waist, as much as I bitched about all the darts!! 😀


This was where I had Buttonhole Trauma. The first was so bad I sewed a button over it. After looking for answers online, it seems I needed to set the stitch length a bit longer – the resulting buttonholes were …ok. 6 were good, 2 were iffy. I know it says 7 buttons on the pattern but I used teeny buttons, and yes the spacing is dodgy – it’s a design feature *whistles*


The neck facing was so awful and bulky I chopped it out and used twill tape instead. Remind me to NEVER do a neck facing again, unless it’s stitched to a lining. The one on my nice purple leopardprint dress has shredded in the wash and looks dreadful…have to keep poking it back into the neck grrrr


Now..what to make with my new stuff?

Before I went away, I bought some cheap fabric from the charity shop. While I was away, I bought some trim from Boyes, and today, I bought more fabric, from Milton Keynes Market. But not the rude bloke, cos I wanted wearable basic stuff not cool but mental embellished stuff. Even if it is all £2/yard 😀

So, my fairly recentish haul looks a bit like this….

The 80s splatter fabric is stretchy, as is the stripey grey and black t shirt stuff. Next to that is what appears to be a 70s bedsheet, but it’s the perfect colour for the S/S’12 palette…then some drapey stuff I got today which is actually the right colour, and some lining type fabric I got from the charity shop….above that is another today purchase – spotty satin. Because I’m an idiot. I know satin is foul but the colour is so pretty……then various bundles of lace and ribbon – how awesome is the turquoise lace? And yes, that is ladybird ribbon, I know…but they had 7 spots…

Now, what to make? Was thinking of a Taffy for the flowery turquoise but now I’m thinking dress….argh. I also bought Burda mag today, and want to make about 8 things in it but oh god the instructions look a total mare!

Either way, before I sew anything, I need to remove the triffids from my table and possibly swap computer desks over, as my new (smaller) one is currently housing the stash in the pic…..

Allotment is a disaster of weeds. Eek, will have to do some SERIOUS weeding this weekend, weather allowing. This is what a fortnight of torrential rain and a holiday does…

I have been doing MMM’12 by the way – I’m wearing a me-made today, and hopefully Bob will get a pic of it later, when he’s allowed to leave Luton.

Luton. Grrr…hotbed of grim. There are ‘demonstrations’ today (read:riots and an excuse for a bit of a fight) by some Nazi scum and some religious fundies. Yay (OK, that’s a bit extreme but they can all piss off, I don’t want anyone’s belief shoved down my throat, thanks, whether it be extreme left or right wing and face it, nationalists and religious zealots are sides of the same coin – ie our gang is the best gang and anyone who’s not in it is evil and bad and wrong and should be shot)

The Uni was closed to students for ‘safety reasons’, ie the Uni thought there was going to be trouble. Yet Bob’s employer decides that’s a perfect opportunity to do some maintenance, cos rioting fuckheads demonstrators can tell the difference between a student and a plumber/sparky – gah!

As it is, apparently there have been no actual riots but all the roads have been closed until the EDL have left, so he’s been stuck there..until about now…..nice to know his employers care so much.

Ah text from Bob 17.01 – he’s finally leaving Luton 😀

Political rant over, I have some sewing to plan!!

Aka the ‘This Is The One I’m Going To Get Right Dress’

Did I? Errr…well no, but it’s a pretty decent effort, compared to the others, so let’s see…

First of all, the fabric. It felt lovely, it looked nice, it was drapey and fl0wy. It also frayed, was slippery, a bit stretchy and a bit of a pain to sew and press, tbh.

The pattern. Now, there are all number of instructions for fitting. I read them. No, really, I DID! I decided the fabric would not lend itself well to basting, unpicking and sewing, it just wouldn’t – a little flimsy, methinks. Looks like I’d have to get it right first time. The one thing I DID do, was measure the pattern pieces. Normally, my measurements put me between an 18 and a 20, and I’ve found things are always a bit big, especially around the back. This time, after measuring the pattern pieces, and finding the actual finished measurements of the garment, I cut out a 16C. I can’t tell you how nervous this made me….. 😀

After cutting the pieces, I pinned the bodice pieces together and tried them on – it all seemed to be a good fit (the skirt wasn’t an issue – not with a 50″ hip as finished measurement lol! ) so I went ahead and sewed….

The pockets went together like a dream – I even topstitched them and used twill tape to minimise stretching…all very technical.

The bits I like – the pockets, the princess seams (MUCH better fit, I suck at darts) and even the sleeves were nice, after I sorted out my machine’s tension issue… I also used the instructions for sewing a facing to the zip from the Colette Sewing Handbook – I love the finish on this, it’s my new favourite thing!

The bits I hated – after sewing everything but the side seams, I noted HUGE gappage at the top of the neck…tried a number of things but in the end, the only solution was to unpick it and put a pleat in the top – took it in 2″ either side, and there’s still some gaping, but any more and the sleeves will start to pull. I may ask a friend for advice on this, as it was also a big problem with the turquoise satin of evil….I think this has to do with my build, if it’s a common theme – anyone has any ideas, let me know…..I maintain it’s muscle that causes me to have the problems.. 🙂

Oh, and although the zip went in well, the back waist seams are about half an inch apart at the back – WTF? Thankfully I will be wearing this with a belt…..

As the neck got butchered, I ended up binding the neckline – I didn’t want to, but it doesn’t look too awful – me and neck facings Do Not Get On. They flap about and annoy me…..

No pics of me in it yet but some bad ones from it on my skinny dummy..

Pockets..I like pockets

WTF with the mismatched seams?

I will sew this again, most definitely. I will probably make the longer version – it comes almost to my ankles anyway!!!!


Review here

I’m going to do a challenge! And unlike most of the diet/exercise type I normally do, I think I’m actually going to enjoy this one, and make a bit of an effort. For the full blurb, go here

Clearly, I haven’t made enough stuff to actually wear things EVERY day, (unless I wear the same things for 4 days straight), but I can at least make the effort!

With that in mind,

‘I, Beklet of sign up as a participant of MeMadeMay ’12. I endeavour to wear at least one me-made garment a minimum of 3 times a week for the duration of May 2012’

Ha…..bearing in mind the wadders and UFOs, it leaves me with few wearable things – the bonus of course, is that at the beginning and end of May, I will be at various music festivals, namely and which means I get to wear my corset and the Space Dress at least once 😀

I also think that on at least 2 occasions a week, I should wear a beautiful item someone else has made for me, as really, it’s not all about me, ya know, I should at least showcase the talents of my friends 😀

So, currently wearable I have the Meringue, the Space Dress, Broccoli top, Chilli skirt, trousers (if I hem them properly), the skull dress (if I redo the zip), ladybird corset, and with any luck, the dress I’m going to finish today. I’m quite excited – it looks like it’s actually going to fit – despite the neck facing being a pain….I’m worried the fabric is a little flimsy, so there has been some topstitching at the waist, and I will be going for French seams at the side.

Also debating whether to use bias tape to hem it. I wanted lace but nowhere has any, and neither is ANYWHERE open on Easter Sunday.

Well. After yesterday’s trauma, I have left the waistcoat as is. I need to do the button and buttonhole, but that can wait. Here is the offending pattern…

I have made the trousers before, and they were massive on the waist. Now, I am dead on halfway between an 18 and a 20, most of the time, though I usually end up cutting an 18, otherwise everything is huge on the shoulders, but this is silly. 6.5″ ease on the bust? The finished article is massive, you think I’m kidding? Yes, it looks big on the dummy, because the dummy is a max. size 12 (I was, once) but Bob tried it on, and aside from being a little short, it fit him perfectly! I may get a pic up for a laugh…if it didn’t have the frilly bit on the bottom, he’d have it as a waistcoat 😀

In other news, I finally redid the catch stitching on the Meringue, as it was too loose and kept catching my knee….I also went to the charity shop earlier and found my favourite brand of shirt, in my size, similar pattern but pink and white – a nice smart look for work, methinks!  Also found a stripey shirt, same brand, a size too small…so I thought. Turns out the smaller size fits me PERFECTLY everywhere except my boobs – but leaving the button open and wearing a vest under it looks pretty cool (in my opinion) so it’s a win all round. Pics will be forthcoming when I get to wear the combo (tomorrow I am playing cars so it won’t be then….)

I must stay off Ebay…..I have just bought a job lot of zips….the idea of buying one zip for over £2 is galling, same with a pack of 5 buttons for same….I’m tempted by a bag of random buttons for £1.99….

This weekend I shall mostly be making a dress for Bob’s sister’s wedding, which is the following weekend. This is assuming I don’t cock it up like I did the turquoise one (which may well now be for the August or September wedding)

Pattern is an Amazing Fit pattern – I got it for two reasons – it has separate pieces for different cup sizes – woohoo!!! (saying this, according to my measurements, I’m barely a C cup in this pattern, when in reality I’m an E….Okayyyyy…only 3 cups different lol – I can only assume this is going by the old school way of measuring bra size where I am indeed a C cup)

The other reason is…POCKETS!!!! Why do clothing manufacturers not put pockets in women’s clothes? Even jacket pockets are fake!!!

I’ll be making view C, the sweetheart neckline and short sleeves

And the fabric I’ll be making it out of is quite a loud animal print and flower viscose…..sounds vile but I actually really like it, and it’s drapey and flowy so I’ll get a swishy skirt…the lady in the shop said I’ll have to iron it while it’s damp…iron? IRON???


Let’s hope it all goes well……

Meanwhile, I have been eating a bit better today, and feel less bleh. Long weekend coming up, I need a recipe for hot cross buns with einkorn flour lol…..

Can’t wait for my book to arrive, all those lovely recipes! My collar bacon has been delayed, as it’s still curing – looking forward to going to the farm shop to buy loads of noms…..